renovation

Q: mom, can we slice our house so my bunk bed fits?

me: huh?

Q: you know, like on house hunters, when they don't like the house so they slice it to make it bigger?

strongnes

Q's end of year note to his gym teacher: "thank a lot for giving us strongnes."

bling

"i wish i had a gold tooth."

scout's honor

while walking home from school today, Q politely asked me, "mommy, when i'm in third grade, can i walk home by myself?"

i hesitated, so he quickly assured me, "i know how to be safe. i am a cub scout."

dead presidents

quentin, watching a TV commercial, and chuckling: 

"the presidents in the rocks were talking." 

mount rushmore humor.

subtle

as i am picking him up after school...

Q: i think we should keep our colors private from now on.

me: so you got yellow today, huh?

silence...

go pats

as i was tucking him in, Q whispered sweetly, "i hope our team wins the bowl, mommy."

they did buddy, they did.

just say no

Q: "mommy, does justin bieber drink drugs?"

uhhhhhhhhh...

risqué business

Q kept disappearing on me at kohl's tonight and one time i couldn't find him after looking for 10 minutes.  i finally had to have the employees locate him. 

they found him in toys, but i had looked there several times.

so after we found him i asked where he was, he answered, "the covers." 

i was perplexed. 

"you know, the covers. the things girls wear..." 

then he made circular gestures near his chest.

he was in the bras.

cat-astrophe

me: Q, will you let the dog outside?

Q: sure!

an hour and a half later...

Q: uh, mom? is the cat missing?

me: uhhhhhh. omg! did you leave the door open?!?!?!?

Q: uhhh. no?

me: you don't know? did you let the cat outside?

Q: *shrugs*

starts calling for and searching frantically for kitty. eventually finds cat passed out on bed in third floor bedroom. breathes.

sigh.

life of the party

mid new years party:

Q: mom, do we have a disco ball?

momopoly

Q really likes to play "momopoly"

helpful elf

"mommy, will you show me how to do all the stuff you do, like dishes and lunches and cleaning? so i can help you?"

if only.

yes quentin...

Q saw a commercial today with a "classy" christmas tree. he looked at me and said, "mommy, they really don't have enough ornaments on that tree."

that's my boy.

vintage vinyl

"this is the biggest CD i've ever seen!!!"

birds and the bees

Q: mommy, am i pregnant?

me: uhhhhhh, definitely not

Q: what does pregnant mean?

the scholar

after hauling around any one of his "diary of a wimpy kid" books for the past week, quentin declared tonight, "i'm into reading now."

higher learning

while helping Q with his homework tonight i pointed out a math problem I wanted him to double check. he had 11 - 8 = 4. he grew quite frustrated with me, insisting he was right and it was me who was wrong. at one point in the argument, he said, "i don't think you went to college mommy because you can't even do 2nd grade math." ouch.

to be fair, he's right in one respect, with all this common core nonsense. 

truth

Q, discussing a book: it's a fiction book

me: that's true

Q: no, a fiction book is not true

me: that's true

Q: no, mommy. fiction is not true

(i could do this all night...)

so sweet

Q, sweetly, out of the blue: " i love you so much mommy. you make me have hearts in my eyes."