Thursday, October 18, 2012
drama princess
caroline, gazing upon a photo of herself dressed up as cinderella from disney world: "i was in the stroller. i sawed disney world for the first time. i freaked out!"
Monday, October 15, 2012
labeled
my blog upkeep has been heinous lately. sure, it has happened before and could easily be blamed on the whole crazy life / lack of time thing. but there’s more to it this time. part, of course, is the whole crazy life thing* but moreover it was me not really knowing what to say…
Q’s first day of kindergarten resulted in an email from his teacher, expressing concern over his “distracted and uncooperative” behavior. so did his third day. and many days since then. there have also been countless calls home from the before/after care staff, the kindergarten teacher, and the school social worker. the principal has been involved. it was starting to feel like last winter/spring, when we were getting similar reports from pre-K. and it’s the same issues as before – trouble with transitions, frustration, and refusal to participate in activities, all escalating into complete and utter meltdowns unlike anything we ever see at home (ripping things off the walls, throwing stuff, threatening to hit or bite, partaking in “dangerous” activities like climbing on furniture.) pretty much a completely different kid than lives with us.
it’s really hard when these people call or email us about these explosions, because we literally are not familiar with them. sure, he gets mad or frustrated at home sometimes, but never anything like they describe. we don’t know what to tell them, since we have no experience with it. maybe because we know him better, we are more aware of what his triggers are and actively seek to avoid them, or at least temper them? maybe we spot his signs of anger or frustration more immediately and can put a stop to it faster, rationalizing with him before he flies off the handle? or maybe it’s just because the adult-to-child ratio at home is so much better than it is at school? and it’s hard for us to understand these explosions. since we don’t see the chain of events that causes such a meltdown, we have to rely on the teacher’s retelling of the story as well as Q’s version of events. usually, neither is able to tell the whole story. the teacher is busy managing a class of 20 other kids and can’t be aware of everything going on. Q is notoriously bad at explaining the rationale for his behavior. so we don’t usually get a good cause and effect explanation. and it is especially hard to have the resulting conversations because the teachers don’t seem to believe us that he’s not like that at home. like we are ignoring (or worse, blatantly obscuring) that there’s a problem or something. we found ourselves asking (just to ourselves, of course) over and over again, “surely he’s not the first child to struggle like this. why the heck don’t these trained education specialists know how to handle this?”
we were afraid that maybe the teacher and staff just don’t have what is necessary (whether it be skills, resources, time, or whatever) to figure it out. so we decided to bring Q to a child psychologist on our own. we had started down that path during the pre-K problem months, but then things seemed to get better once that one shrew of a teacher left, so we abandoned it, thinking the issue was her, not him. but since it seemed to be back with a vengeance, we made an appointment.
we’ve been taking him to see the psychologist weekly for the past month. she has asked us questions about our concerns and his behaviors. she has observed him and interacted with him. she has asked for input from his various teachers. thankfully, she doesn’t believe that he is on the autism spectrum (which has always been a lingering concern of ours) but she has diagnosed him with ADHD.
looking at the definition or ADHD (combination of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and/or impulsiveness) and the criteria necessary for diagnosis, it seems like a no-brainer:
Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:
• Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
• Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
• Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
• Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
• Not seem to listen when spoken to
• Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
• Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
• Struggle to follow instructions.
Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:
• Fidget and squirm in their seats
• Talk nonstop
• Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
• Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
• Be constantly in motion
• Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities
and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:
• Be very impatient
• Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
• Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. here a check. there a check. everywhere a check check. old mcquentin has adhd, e-i-e-i-o.
looking back, it seems so obvious. Q has been high-octane since the start. i remember the first time he met lilly. they were like 7 months old. Q was everywhere, and into everything, and lilly was content to sit still and play quietly with toys. yesterday at the zoo, i really noticed just how different he is than other kids. i had to force myself to take a step back and observe him in contrast to other kids there with their families. once i wasn’t focusing only on him, i realized that he was a veritable tigger – bouncy and loud – in comparison to just about every kid there. other parents have probably been silently judging us for years, wondering if we see just how wound up he is, or if we’re just immune to it. but to us, he has always been “ball of energy” Q.
so now here we are. at least we have something to call it. and we can have conversations with the school that maybe don’t just peg him as a “bad” kid. they have to acknowledge that he is different from other kids and therefore needs to be handled differently. hopefully that will help.
but now there are so many other things to worry about…
do we medicate him? i am definitely not a huge fan of immediately doling out chemicals, especially to such a small little guy. thankfully, neither is our psychologist. we are going to start with behavioral remedies, mainly lots and lots of smiley face charts (at school, at before/after care, and at home), constantly reviewing his behavior with him, rewarding him when he does well, and discussing how he could have made better choices when he does not.
will the diagnosis be taken seriously? i know prior to this, i personally believed that ADHD was over-diagnosed and seemingly used as a crutch to describe any less than perfect kid. i know i would roll my eyes a little when i heard someone described as having it, figuring it was the “easy” answer or just an excuse that bad parents make. now that we are on the other side of things, i do hope that it is recognized and respected.
but at the same time, will this become a crutch for him? i don’t want anyone to lower their expectations for him. i don’t want any teachers to stop trying to teach him. i don’t want him to make excuses and not even try. he’s a smart kid, but we will all have to work a little harder to overcome it. but basically, i don’t want him to be labeled and forgotten.
not surprisingly, the ADHD diagnosis explains Q’s utter failure at team sports. basically, there are too many stimuli all at once during a team sport – lots of kids, lots of instructions, lots of movement, and complicated strategy. since Q already has trouble focusing, he gets overwhelmed and just shuts down in the face of all that chaos. it also explains why he gets frustrated easily – he simply cannot focus on a task long enough to master it.
it’s hard as a parent to accept that your child is anything less than perfect. he’s probably never going to be an academic superstar. he’s probably never going to be an athletic superstar. he’s always going to have to work harder. we are always going to have to work harder. and there’s probably always going to be emails and calls home from school about his behavior and/or academic performance. but there are millions of kids that are far worse off, so we can’t dwell on it. and he’s a sweet, loveable, all-around awesome kid no matter what.
so there we go. it’s exhausting. but it’s something.
*now with extra crazy!
Q’s first day of kindergarten resulted in an email from his teacher, expressing concern over his “distracted and uncooperative” behavior. so did his third day. and many days since then. there have also been countless calls home from the before/after care staff, the kindergarten teacher, and the school social worker. the principal has been involved. it was starting to feel like last winter/spring, when we were getting similar reports from pre-K. and it’s the same issues as before – trouble with transitions, frustration, and refusal to participate in activities, all escalating into complete and utter meltdowns unlike anything we ever see at home (ripping things off the walls, throwing stuff, threatening to hit or bite, partaking in “dangerous” activities like climbing on furniture.) pretty much a completely different kid than lives with us.
it’s really hard when these people call or email us about these explosions, because we literally are not familiar with them. sure, he gets mad or frustrated at home sometimes, but never anything like they describe. we don’t know what to tell them, since we have no experience with it. maybe because we know him better, we are more aware of what his triggers are and actively seek to avoid them, or at least temper them? maybe we spot his signs of anger or frustration more immediately and can put a stop to it faster, rationalizing with him before he flies off the handle? or maybe it’s just because the adult-to-child ratio at home is so much better than it is at school? and it’s hard for us to understand these explosions. since we don’t see the chain of events that causes such a meltdown, we have to rely on the teacher’s retelling of the story as well as Q’s version of events. usually, neither is able to tell the whole story. the teacher is busy managing a class of 20 other kids and can’t be aware of everything going on. Q is notoriously bad at explaining the rationale for his behavior. so we don’t usually get a good cause and effect explanation. and it is especially hard to have the resulting conversations because the teachers don’t seem to believe us that he’s not like that at home. like we are ignoring (or worse, blatantly obscuring) that there’s a problem or something. we found ourselves asking (just to ourselves, of course) over and over again, “surely he’s not the first child to struggle like this. why the heck don’t these trained education specialists know how to handle this?”
we were afraid that maybe the teacher and staff just don’t have what is necessary (whether it be skills, resources, time, or whatever) to figure it out. so we decided to bring Q to a child psychologist on our own. we had started down that path during the pre-K problem months, but then things seemed to get better once that one shrew of a teacher left, so we abandoned it, thinking the issue was her, not him. but since it seemed to be back with a vengeance, we made an appointment.
we’ve been taking him to see the psychologist weekly for the past month. she has asked us questions about our concerns and his behaviors. she has observed him and interacted with him. she has asked for input from his various teachers. thankfully, she doesn’t believe that he is on the autism spectrum (which has always been a lingering concern of ours) but she has diagnosed him with ADHD.
looking at the definition or ADHD (combination of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and/or impulsiveness) and the criteria necessary for diagnosis, it seems like a no-brainer:
Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:
• Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
• Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
• Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
• Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
• Not seem to listen when spoken to
• Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
• Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
• Struggle to follow instructions.
Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:
• Fidget and squirm in their seats
• Talk nonstop
• Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
• Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
• Be constantly in motion
• Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities
and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:
• Be very impatient
• Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
• Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. check. here a check. there a check. everywhere a check check. old mcquentin has adhd, e-i-e-i-o.
looking back, it seems so obvious. Q has been high-octane since the start. i remember the first time he met lilly. they were like 7 months old. Q was everywhere, and into everything, and lilly was content to sit still and play quietly with toys. yesterday at the zoo, i really noticed just how different he is than other kids. i had to force myself to take a step back and observe him in contrast to other kids there with their families. once i wasn’t focusing only on him, i realized that he was a veritable tigger – bouncy and loud – in comparison to just about every kid there. other parents have probably been silently judging us for years, wondering if we see just how wound up he is, or if we’re just immune to it. but to us, he has always been “ball of energy” Q.
so now here we are. at least we have something to call it. and we can have conversations with the school that maybe don’t just peg him as a “bad” kid. they have to acknowledge that he is different from other kids and therefore needs to be handled differently. hopefully that will help.
but now there are so many other things to worry about…
do we medicate him? i am definitely not a huge fan of immediately doling out chemicals, especially to such a small little guy. thankfully, neither is our psychologist. we are going to start with behavioral remedies, mainly lots and lots of smiley face charts (at school, at before/after care, and at home), constantly reviewing his behavior with him, rewarding him when he does well, and discussing how he could have made better choices when he does not.
will the diagnosis be taken seriously? i know prior to this, i personally believed that ADHD was over-diagnosed and seemingly used as a crutch to describe any less than perfect kid. i know i would roll my eyes a little when i heard someone described as having it, figuring it was the “easy” answer or just an excuse that bad parents make. now that we are on the other side of things, i do hope that it is recognized and respected.
but at the same time, will this become a crutch for him? i don’t want anyone to lower their expectations for him. i don’t want any teachers to stop trying to teach him. i don’t want him to make excuses and not even try. he’s a smart kid, but we will all have to work a little harder to overcome it. but basically, i don’t want him to be labeled and forgotten.
not surprisingly, the ADHD diagnosis explains Q’s utter failure at team sports. basically, there are too many stimuli all at once during a team sport – lots of kids, lots of instructions, lots of movement, and complicated strategy. since Q already has trouble focusing, he gets overwhelmed and just shuts down in the face of all that chaos. it also explains why he gets frustrated easily – he simply cannot focus on a task long enough to master it.
it’s hard as a parent to accept that your child is anything less than perfect. he’s probably never going to be an academic superstar. he’s probably never going to be an athletic superstar. he’s always going to have to work harder. we are always going to have to work harder. and there’s probably always going to be emails and calls home from school about his behavior and/or academic performance. but there are millions of kids that are far worse off, so we can’t dwell on it. and he’s a sweet, loveable, all-around awesome kid no matter what.
so there we go. it’s exhausting. but it’s something.
*now with extra crazy!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
zoo time
the zoo was open an hour early today, for members. we hadn't been in a while and the day was supposed to be beautiful, so we went. so here are some animals. and a whole lot of face-painting pics. just a regular trip to the zoo.
 |
| peacocks on patrol |
handy helper
Q was very excited to "help" daddy assemble an IKEA shelf. he even brought his own hammer and hard hat for the job.
and then there's soccer...
just like t-ball, Q was very excited about the concept, but much less interested once it came time to actually do it. but we're hanging in, and he's doing a little better.
just keep swimming
the kids also started a swim class at the Y. Q is doing awesome. he is so much better at individual-based activities than he is at team sports (more on that eventually.)
caroline dropped out after the second class. she screamed for 30 minutes solid for the first 2 classes and then took to lying about having to go potty to get out of the third. we have negotiated that she can try again when she's 4.
but Q is doing awesome. yay.
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